Bleach: The Sandcastle Contest
by Cerice Belle
Summary: All the Shinigami wanted was a nice, relaxing day at the beach. Unfortunately, that was what the Espada wanted too. So Aizen proposed a Sandcastle-Making Contest. What happens is anything but. Crack fic for the shenanigans
1. Chapter 1

**This is a crack fic for LOLBleach Summer Contest on DeviantArt. I don't think it's that funny but meh, I tried :D **

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><p>Ichigo looked out at the large beach, the hot sun beating down on his orange head, heating it mercilessly. He turned around to look at the captains, lieutenants and significant others behind him, mostly excited at the prospect of no work for the day.<p>

"Alright everyone settle down," said Head Captain Yamamoto as he walked to the front of the group still wearing his Shinigami robes and captains haori. "In light of recent events with _certain three captains defecting_," he ground his teeth at this, "and in celebration of summer, I would like to welcome you all to the beach. Spread out and have fun!" he tapped his stick and was instantly mobbed by the large group as they swept past him to the awaiting golden sands and blue seas.

"Come on Kurosaki-Kun!" exclaimed Orihime, running over the sand.

He gave a rare grin, and followed her along with Uryu and Chad, who both looked peeved at having to spend the day in swimmers. Though of course, Uryu was not wearing plain swimming trunks, oh no! He wore a white wetsuit with blue stripes down the side and a small cape that reached down his back to give him "momentum in the water", as he said. Ichigo said he looked ridiculous.

"Hummm how about here Kurosaki-Kun?" asked Orihime, looking at a big sunny spot in the middle of the beach.

He shrugged, "Sure Inoue."

She smiled at him happily and dumped her stuff, spreading out the towel and putting on some sunscreen.

"Orihiiimeeee!" came the obnoxious squeal of Rangiku, running towards them in a pink swimsuit that made all three men blush furiously. "How about we suntan together?" she suggested

"Ooh OK!" agreed Orihime.

"Here you can borrow my suntan lotion!" she turned around and clapped her hands imperiously. "Kira! Hisagi! What's taking so long?"

Uryu, Chad and Ichigo stared as an exhausted Izuru and Shuuhei came trudging over a sand dune carrying bright pink beach bags.

"What did you bring Rangiku-San?" asked Orihime, peering at the two boys.

"Oh well I've got a few changes in swimsuits," she said, flipping her strawberry-blonde hair over her shoulder. "And a couple of beach magazines, my beach shelter, sofa, and ingredients to make cocktails."

She indicated the two lieutenants who were unpacking her bags. After a few minutes of flash stepping and muscle work, a pink canopy had been erected over a luxurious pink lounge-seat, complete with magazine stand, cocktail-maker, and mini kitchenette where Shuuhei was already making pancakes and Izuru was throwing pink rose-heads over the sand.

"Wow Rangiku-San!" gasped Orihime, gazing in wonder at the scene before her.

Ichigo, Uryu and Chad stared with mouths wide open.

"You do realise this is just a day trip don't you?" choked Uryu.

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "Otherwise I would have brought the tent and mini mall!"

Before they could reply, Rukia came skipping toward them, wearing a Chappy the Rabbit swimsuit, followed by Renji, carrying a giant, inflatable Chappy seat complete with foot-rest.

"Hello Matsumoto-San, Inoue," grinned Rukia. "Just put it down here Renji."

He nodded, wheezing, and dropped the Chappy-related stuff on the ground.

"Alrighty!" said Rangiku. "Who wants to go for a swim?"

"Ooh me!" squealed Orihime and Rukia.

The three girls ran off to the sea and splashed into it excitedly.

"Woooow," whispered Shuuhei, his nose bleeding as he stared at Rangiku.

"Come on Kurosaki-Kun!" exclaimed Orihime, waving up at him. "Come on Ishida-Kun and Sado-Kun, Hisagi-San and Kira-San!"

They all looked at each other, shrugged and followed the girls in, Ichigo pushing Uryu "accidentally" into the water, causing his hair to get wet which made him yell for five minutes straight on the expenses of shampoo products and how sea water could cause split ends. He did not realise that everyone had drifted away and he was standing in the middle of the ocean talking to himself.

"Aah," sighed Shunsui, lying under the palm trees with Jushiro, their lieutenants for once, not with them. Nanao was with Isane and Nemu, the three trying to convince themselves into the ocean, while Kyone and Sentaron were off fighting, again, about the proper lotion to use for their captain.

"This is the life, it's so peaceful," smiled Jushiro.

"And those ladies over there don't look so bad either," grinned his friend, looking in the direction of Rangiku, now dunking Uryu into the water, much to his protests.

They sighed together, indulging in the peaceful warmth.

"What's that?" asked Jushiro, sitting up suddenly.

"You mean Captain Zaraki and his lieutenant lost in the rock pools?"

"No, look at the horizon," he said, placing his hand over his eyes and gazing at the blue edge of the sea, which was making large ripples.

Shunsui frowned and stared as well, then his eyes widened. His stood up quickly and yelled down to the people in the water, now including Momo and Toshiro who were floating on a block of ice.

"Nanao-Chan!" called Shunsui, also getting up. "Get out of the water!"

Nanao looked up and saw him waving at her, she turned away pointedly, convinced he was just pointing out her being in a swimsuit. Her eyes widened as she saw a huge wave coming towards them.

"Everyone!" she shrieked. "Look out! Isane what do we do, they can't hear us?"

Isane was also staring at the wave, "I know!" she cried. "I'll do Heaven Gate!"

"Well, be quick about it!"

She looked around then cursed, "Oh dammit, I forgot my textas, I can't draw on my arms!"

Nanao also cursed, "I didn't bring my pens either, I knew I should have!"

"Don't worry," said a voice.

The two girls turned to see Nemu, a determined look on her face. She raised her arm which suddenly turned into a large megaphone, the top of her head becoming a large siren which wailed loudly, much to the lieutenants' shock. She put her mouth into the megaphone and said in her monotone voice.

"Everyone please evacuate the water, this is not a drill. I repeat, please evacuate the water, this is NOT a drill."

Rangiku, Orihime, Rukia, Shuuhei, Izuru, Ichigo, Uryu and Chad all turned towards the announcement, and cried out as they noticed the huge wave coming towards them. But it was too late.

Ichigo squinted at the wave, there were three figures riding it.

"No!" he gasped. "It couldn't be!"

But unfortunately for Ichigo, it could.

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><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>

**Moohahaha, yeah this is the weirdest thing I've ever written. And it's not even there yet GASP! Review pleeease, makes me happy :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter already woot! (that's cause I've already written it all but meh, I thought I'd put it in seperate chapters) Enjoy!**

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><p><em>"No!" he gasped. "It couldn't be!"<em>

_But unfortunately for Ichigo, it could._

The 8 people were pulled up by the wave and tossed unceremoniously onto the shore, as were others who were near the water, much to Toshiro's chagrin. Yamamoto burned the water away from him, glaring up at the now motionless, but large wave.

"What is the meaning of this?" he thundered, then his eyes widened as he recognised the three people riding it.

A brown-haired man with a curl of hair in front of his face, wearing red board shorts, with a man with silver hair and a smiling face in pale blue board shorts on his right, and a dark-skinned man with his black hair in cornrows, wearing an orange wetsuit, on his left.

"Aizen?" the old man gasped, thoroughly annoyed that his rival looked better than him in a swimsuit.

"Aizen?" cried everyone else looking up at the three men.

"Gin?" cried Rangiku and Izuru, falling into the sand with excitement.

Komamura and Shuuhei were going to exclaim "Tosen!" but then they realised no one actually cared.

"Good job there Halibell!" enthused Aizen, looking down at the woman in a blue bikini that almost rivalled Rangiku's.

"Thank you sir," she replied, looking down her nose at Toshiro who was fuming at being covered in sand.

"Aizen what do you think you're doing here?" snapped Yamamoto.

"AIZEN-Taicho!" came the screech of Momo, running into the water and desperately trying to swim up to her beloved ex-captain, and failing because, let's be honest, it's Momo.

Aizen ignored her, "I'm here to enjoy the summer sun and sand, why else?"

"B-but we booked it!" complained the head captain childishly.

"Get used to it punks!" came the voice of a certain blue-haired Arrancar from the other side.

Everyone turned to stare as in walked the rest of the Espada, all but Aarroonniieerroo (face it, no one knows how to spell his name), Yammy and Zommari and Ulquiorra in swimmers.

"We'll fight for it!" said Ichigo and Renji, taking fighting stances. "With all we got, even if it kills us! We will never back down. We have our RESOLVE!"

"Kurosaki-kun," whispered Orihime, clasping her hands together, tears spilling from her eyes.

"I would hate to get into a fight over something as trivial as this," stated Aizen, still from the top of his wave. "Couldn't we just share it?"

He looked around and frowned slightly. Kenpachi and Nnoitra were arm-wrestling, Grimmjow and Ichigo were circling each other strangely, Szayel, Renji, Uryu and Mayuri were eyeing each other warily, Aarronniero and Rukia were pointedly not looking at each other, Zommari and Byakuya were having a staring contest, Starrk, Shunsui and Jushiro had gone back to sleep, Halibel and Toshiro were having an ice-sculpture contest, Barraggan and Soi-Fon were comparing head-heights, Komamura and Shuuhei were trying to get Tosen's attention (and failing) and Rangiku and Izuru were waving at Gin, who was waving back at Rangiku (ignoring Izuru of course) and making "call me" signs.

He sighed and poked Gin in the stomach as he was now making very inappropriate hand signals to the blonde back on the beach, which will not be repeated in this G rated piece of high quality literature worthy of Jane Austen herself *cough cough*.

"Or not. Alright then, I have a suggestion," everyone ignored him and continued with what they were doing. "It's a competition of strength and high resolve," he said a little louder, gaining every single Shinigami and Arrancar's attentions.

"Is it a battle to the death?" asked Nnoitra, Kenpachi, Ikkakku and Yumichika excitedly.

"A battle to find the king of Los Noches?" enthused Grimmjow, gaining a death stare from Aizen.

"Nooo, it's a sandcastle-making competition," he said, clapping his hands together.

Everyone stared at him, "LAME!" they cried

"It's that or we can see who can swim to New Zealand and back the fastest," he told them stoutly.

This was greeted by silence.

"Excellent! In that case, get into groups of 2 to 4, those who don't want to participate can sit on the sidelines and watch. Those who want eternal and God-given glory and the power to decide who gets to stay and who has to leave the beach, can find an empty spot and start when I give the whistle."

Everyone nodded and began to form off into groups, most of the captains going to the side, considering it too far beneath them to join in.

"As I will be joining in," said Aizen, receiving suspicious stares as he descended from the wave with his subordinates. "I will appoint some judges, who have very kindly agreed to take up the position. May I please welcome Kisuke Urahara, Shinji Hirako, and Nelliel tu Odelenschwanck."

Everyone clapped dubiously as they looked up at the three who sat at a judging table under shade, waving down at them with goofy smiles.

"Hiya everyone," said Urahara smiling enthusiastically. "All we ask is that you play fair and have fun! You've got one hour to make the biggest, bestest and most awesome sandcastle know to human, hollow or soul reaper! Don't use you're Zanpakuto or any of your powers or you'll be disqualified," everyone groaned, "Good luck! Time starts…" everyone tensed. "NOW!"

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><p><strong>Yup, really short again, aahh well. The next chapter's going to be pretty long so I thought I'd make the first two shorter. Review and go make you're own sandcastle :D <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Yup third up already :D Enjoy!**

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><p><em>"Good luck! Time starts…" everyone tensed. "NOW!"<em>

With a rush of bodies, the people ran about grabbing buckets of sand and started to pile up their creations. All except Aizen, who was sitting on a chair being fanned with palm leaves by Loly and Menoly, drinking tea given to him by Tosen. He turned to look at Gin who turned down and grinned at him.

"I'll be right back Aizen-Sama," he said with a smirk and sauntered off.

Ichigo, Renji, and Chad were staring down at their mound of sand with confused expressions, as their brains tried to work out what to do with it.

"Sooo we make a castle?" asked Ichigo dubiously.

"Yup!" said Renji.

"Muh," said Chad.

"Well you're good at this stuff Ishida, what do you think we should do?" asked Ichigo, turning to where he though Uryu was. "Hey where'd he go?"

The guys looked around and saw him a little way off with Nemu, Nanao and Isane who were looking at him attentively (especially Nemu) as he drew a diagram of what they could do.

"Hey Ishida!" called Renji. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Sorry," said Uryu, pushing up his glasses and not looking at all apologetic. "But the girls asked me to help them, and with my design skills, their brains, and Nemu's mechanics, I just couldn't say no."

"I bet you couldn't," the red-headed Pineapple muttered, glaring at the three gorgeous girls who were discussing strategic points. "He just wanted to be near Kurotsuchi-San."

Ichigo grumbled and turned back to their mound, then an idea came to him, "What if we make a fruitbowl?"

Chad and Renji stared at him.

"Well I dunno, you're a Pineapple, I'm a Strawberry, Chad's a…tiger…thing, yeah," he turned bright red and poked his finger into the sand.

"Muh," said Chad, picking up some sand and beginning to make a sort of bowl shape.

Shrugging the other two followed suit, Ichigo looking suspiciously at Gin as he pranced past, waving merrily.

Meanwhile, Rangiku, Izuru and Shuuhei were sitting a little further away, designing a very Rangiku-like model in a skimpy dress. Or more, Rangiku was sitting under canopy drinking a cocktail and ordering the two boys around. After a bit, she became exasperated with them and went to help, she turned out to be very good at moulding sand together to look like her. Just then Gin walked over and slipped his arms around her shoulders, placing his head next to hers as he peered down to look at their half-done creation.

"Taicho!" exclaimed Izuru, looking up at him with adoring eyes.

"Hiya Izuru," said Gin with a creepy smile. "Hiya Rangiku."

She blushed and looked around, picked up a nearby piece of driftwood, and wacked him with it. Well she tried to, but he jumped up and caught it.

"That's not very nice," he said, looking hurt.

"Don't sneak up on me like that," she scolded him, although she looked very happy.

"He just grinned. "This looks kinda unstable by the way, and it really don't do her justice," he added, pointing to the sand model and looking back at Rangiku.

"It's very stable!" defended Shuuhei.

"Oh really?" he reached over and poked it lightly, causing the entire monument to fall into the sand. Everyone glared at him.

"Gin I'll kill you!" snapped Rangiku, raising the driftwood again.

"Sorry, Ran-chan," he said, looking serious.

Her face fell and she dropped the wood, looking lost. He took her hand and kissed it, then frolicked off to annoy someone else. Her face went bright red and she looked down at her hand, suddenly realising he had left a note in her hand. She turned away from a growling Shuuhei and a dejected Izuru and read it: "Meet me behind the kiosk in half an hour." She grinned and threw the note away, turning back to the boys with a clap of her hands.

"What are you two lazing around for? Get up and finish the monument, we haven't got all day you know!"

Now Ukitake, Kyoraku and Starrk were actually working for once, and pretty fast too, creating large, luxurious beds out of sand, much to Lilinette's annoyance who had gone off to beg an ice-cream from whoever would listen. They planned to make their beds so strong that they would be able to sleep on them by the end and could enjoy the rest of the day like that. They had made sure to finish Ukitake's first so he could take a nap, and they had, and he was, with Kyone and Sentaron waving palm-leaves they had stolen from Loly and Menoly. Kyoraku and Starrk leaned back for their fifth break in the past 15 minutes, staring down at the beach. Kyoraku in particular was admiring Nanao, Nemu, Isane and Uryu all making a stunning Picasso masterpiece in sand, and Rukia and Byakuya who were designing a giant Chappy. Nnoitra, Tesla, Szayel and Grimmjow were still arguing over what they would make, Kenpachi, Ikkakku and Yumichika had been trying to make the ultimate Zanpakuto that would ensure triumph in every battle, but had gotten lost again. Komamura was still trying to get Tosen's attention and Soi-Fon and Yoruichi had frolicked off to practice handstands. Kyoraku's eyes narrowed as he looked off past Ichigo, Renji and Chad.

"What are they doing?" he muttered, pointing to the orange haired girl and the shaggy black-haired Espada.

Orihime had accosted Ulquiorra to talk to him, much to his "dismay".

"You really want a heart don't you?" she asked him excitedly.

"No as I have already told you, I don't believe in what I can't see, and I can't see a heart, which means I don't want one," he replied stoically.

"But I've got a brain but you can't see that," she protested.

"I rest my case," he said darkly.

"Exactly! You want a heart, you shall have one!" she jumped up taking a pose, ignoring his burning glare. "Now, as we're partners, we'll just make you a heart out of sand."

"Wait what? We're not partners; I'm not even participating in this thing!"

"Now don't be shy," she said kindly, patting him on his short head. "Oh and as we're at the beach, shouldn't you be wearing swimmers?" she asked, giving him a devious look.

He stepped back from her, "I don't degrade myself."

"Aww come on Ulqui-Kun," she teased, coming forward.

"No, no back away from me woman!"

"Come on just take your shirt off and we can go swimming together."

"I said no! This is a violation of my rights! What are you doing? Get that away from me!"

"But you'll look so cute in it Ulqui-Kun!"

"I said no! ARGH!"

"Caught you!"

"Cero Oscuras."

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><p><strong>Duh duh DUUUUHH the power of Ulquiorra :D<br>Question: Are my chapters too short for you guys? If you would like them longer please say so. And thank you very much for every awesome reviewer, alerter and favouriter, you guys really make my day :)  
><strong>***hugs* -Cerice **


	4. Chapter 4

**Next chapter up! And there'll be another tomorrow morning and evening :) Enjoy!**

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><p><em>"Cero Oscuras."<em>

Rukia looked up as a bright green Cero filled the area near the rockpools. She turned to look at her brother who had ignored the flash.

"Nii-sama?"

"Don't worry about it Rukia, it's just those Espada being unruly again," he assured her, patting the giant sand Chappy. "Hmm, I think I'll go get some shells for the eyes."

With that he got up and walked off to the shore where he was sure to find some nice shells. With a smile of adoration, Rukia turned back to her beloved sand creation.

"Why hello Rukia-chan, whatcha doin'?" came a mocking voice.

Groaning inwardly Rukia turned to face the silver-haired ex-captain with a glare.

"What do you want Ichimaru?"

"Aww ya're so rude," he said, feigning hurt. "I was just comin' over to see whatcha makin'."

"Doesn't Aizen need you?" she asked, turning to look at the Lord of the Hollows.

He and Tosen were working very hard on a colossal masterpiece.

"Nah they're fine without me fer a bit," he grinned. Then his expression changed as he stared just behind her, pointing, "Rukia look, is that a giant Chappy waving at you?"

"What! Where?" she cried, jumping up, and running over to where she thought he had been pointing.

With a satisfied smile he whispered "Shoot to kill, Shinso," and his sword shot out, stabbing the giant Chappy and causing its destruction, then smoothly sweeping back to its hilt.

Rukia came back looking annoyed, "Where was it Ichimaru? Ichimaru?" she looked around, he was gone.

Shrugging, she turned back to her Chappy, and stared at its collapsed, sandy remains, and burst into tears.

"What's wrong Rukia?" cried Byakuya, dropping the shells and running over to sister. "What happened to Chappy?"

"I-it was Ichimaru," she sobbed. "He told me there was a giant Chappy waving at me, and when I came back he and it was gone!"

He frowned, "Oh no he didn't, Scatter Senbonzakura!"

"ARGH!" screaming Gin, running by them as the pink petals chased him. "I was just kiddin', ya're so tense! Gack no! -"

Gin turned to Aizen, watching his counterpart run across the beach, chased by a mass of pink.

"Good plan Aizen-Sama," he sniggered.

Aizen smirked and drank his tea, "Isn't it just? Menoly, fan faster, Loly, fan slower."

"Yes Aizen-Sama," the two girls chorused, doing as he bid.

Just then they heard a shriek and they looked up to see Momo running towards them.

"AAIIZZEENN-TTAAIICCHHOO!" she cried.

"She's still at it?" asked Gin incredulously.

"I'll get her Aizen-sama," said Tosen, reaching for his Zanpakuto, but Aizen raised his hand, watching her with interest.

"What's she holding?" asked Loly curiously.

"Ahem, Loly," Aizen reminded her, looking up at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh sorry Aizen-sama!" she replied, hurriedly continuing her fanning.

"Aizen-taicho," cried Momo, running up to him and bowing down. "I made you something," she held up a sand reincarnation of his head.

Aizen stared incredulously, Gin even opened his eyes, and Tosen hit something because he could not see what he was, because he is blind (remember that Shonen, blind men can't play Chess, or monitor Hollows, or watch the surveillance cameras).

"HOW DARE YOU!" shrieked Loly, dropping the fan and jumping at the lieutenant.

"Nyahah!" cried Momo, jumping out of the way and handing the head to Aizen, who now looked a little sick. "You can't stop true love!"

"Then you're already done for!" exclaimed the pigtailed Arrancar.

"No I think you'll find that you're, as you say, "done for"."

"No you are!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"You infinity!"

Loly growled, clenching her fists.

"Hinamori?" came the voice of Toshiro, climbing over the sand dune and glaring at the people there. "I thought we'd tied you up?"

"Don't be silly Shiro-chan! Nothing can stop the truest love there ever was!" she sighed, holding onto Aizen's leg.

Toshiro whimpered and plopped onto the sand, looking downcast.

"Gin," whispered Aizen, trying not to make any sudden movements. "Get her off me, she's freaking me out, which isn't an easy thing to do living with you all the time, and with Tosen come to think of it, and Ulquiorra, and Szayel, and Zommari, and especially Aarronnierro-"

"Ya're digressing sir."

"Sorry. Just, get. _Her. __**Off. **__**ME!**_"

Gin nodded and looked over to Tosen, making hand motions which the dark man seemed to actually understand. He then looked at Toshiro who stood up and readied himself, then Loly and Menoly who dropped their fans.

"NOW!" he cried.

Everyone jumped at the squirming girl and pinned her down, trying to get her off his leg. It was not working; she clung on like a limpet.

"Alright," said Gin stepping back and taking out his Zanpakuto. "There's only one thing we can do: chop off ya leg sir."

"What?"

"Sorry but it's the only option and she'll leave ya alone after that."

"I really don't think-"

"Ready?"

"No I'm not ready!"

"Three."

"Gin."

"Two."

"GIN!"

"ONE-"


	5. Chapter 5

**Another chapter up, and another tomorrow too. I've got my piano exam tomorrow, eeeppp soo nervous!  
>Thank you to aaalll my most amazing reviewers, I'm so sorry I can't reply to you're beautiful words of encouragement, but I do in spirit :) I had so many email this morning, it made me so happy!<br>As usual, read and enjoy!**

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><p><em>"GIN!"<em>

_"ONE_-oh," he looked down as his iPhone buzzed loudly. "Oh it's been half an hour, never mind. Sorry sir, maybe another time, see ya'll later!" and with that he flash-stepped away towards the trees, leaving Aizen breathing heavily.

"I've gotcha now!" Momo crowed happily.

"Are you sure about that?" asked Aizen.

"Yes I've got you!"

"Are you positive?"

"I already said yes!"

"Open your eyes."

The small girl opened her dark eyes and blinked in shock: she was holding thin air. She looked around to see the tent a little farther away surrounded by a kidou shield. She looked down at her hands and looked up at them, down to her hands, and up again. Then she burst in tears and curled up on the floor, wailing pathetically.

"Aah," sighed Aizen. "The wonderful power of Kyoka Suigetsu," he smiled with satisfaction, then glared back up at Loly and Menoly who were laughing at Momo. "Ahem, I'm getting hot down here."

"Sorry Aizen-sama!" they cried, taking back up their palm leaves and fanning him vigorously.

Toshiro looked down at the crying girl, and up at Aizen. Sighing he left her where she was, deciding to go get an ice-cream of some sort.

"Hitsuguya-chan!" cried Urahara, running down and clapping him on the shoulder merrily. "You shouldn't be moping on a day like this, join a group, have some fun, make a sandcastle!"

Toshiro pushed the unwanted arm away and glared at him, "It's Hitsuguya-taicho to you, and I'm not in the mood for playing around in the sand."

"But a child of your age should be enjoying the beach," he continued, ignoring the death glare he was receiving from the white-haired (and incredibly cute) captain. "Tell you what!" he enthused, pulling him away. "Why don't you join with these lovely ladies?"

Toshiro looked down at Halibell and her fraccion, glaring up at him, and shuddered.

"Uh no thanks, besides, they've already got a group of four."

"Nono, I insist! And I'm the judge, as such, you have to join them," with that Urahara pushed him into the sand next to the girls and frolicked back to the judging table with an evil grin.

The little captain sighed and glared at them.

"Aww he's so cuuuuuuteee!" cried Mila-Rose, running at him and cuddling him furiously.

"Mila-Rose," chided Halibell quietly. "He's a captain, and we shall treat him as such."

"But look at him Hallibel-sama," Apacci cooed, joining her in the hugging.

"Well I suppose he does look kind of endearing," she said, giving a rare smile.

Sun-Sun ran over and hugged him as well, the three girls giggling and ruffling his hair.

"Oh come on Halibell-sama," she said. "Look at his widdle face!"

"Would youw pwease gwet ofw!" mumbled Toshiro from between the voluptuous bosoms of the three girls.

Halibell was fidgeting slightly, trying to decide whether she could sacrifice her pride for this. She decided she could. Without further ado, she jumped across the blob that was their sandcastle, destroying it in the process, and squishing the now very angry captain in a hug.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi on the other hand was wandering around, trying to find good samples of mixed Arrancar, Shinigami, and Human blood to create a prototype with. Unfortunately most people seemed very reluctant to give him anything and without the help of Nemu, he could not hold people down and suffocate them with his boobs, not that he had any of course, ahem, but it sort of made him wish he did so he could extract the samples. It also did not help that Szayel Aporro Granz was going around getting samples with his stupid fraccion so he was having to try to steal his, which made him very angry. He was also very aware that the pink-haired Espada was not at all happy at having screamed a certain swear word beginning with 'f' and ending with 'uck' (yup you got it, Fire Truck!) for 1000 years and was feeling quite vengeful against him. So Mayuri had decided to just avoid people at all costs for now, not that he was the type to back down from a challenge, but he honestly was not bothered to reveal all his scientific secrets in front of Unohana who had been watching him too closely. So he decided to get himself an ice-cream at the kiosk. After happily licking his lemon sherbet sorbet, which was very nice he had to admit, he realised that he was much too hot in all his face paint and headgear that made him look like the mummy of Tutankhamen. So he walked behind the kiosk and pushed a branch, only to find Gin Ichimaru and Rangiku Matsumoto having a rather passionate makeout session. He would have loved to have stayed and watched for research purposes only, of course! But Rangiku had turned around, bitch-slapped him, and told him to wait his turn. Gin had also threatened him with his Shinso so Mayuri had had to scamper off in a most undignified manner and apologise profusely before he was decapitated by a long sword.

Grumbling to himself, he pushed aside another plant in the attempt to find a place to change, and found himself walking in on another steamy couple, which just happened to be Uryu and Nemu.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbled and closed the branch. "Hey wait a minute!" he cried, pulling the branch back. "What do you two think you're doing?"

"Hehe, good afternoon Mayuri-sama," blushed Nemu sheepishly.

"WHAT THE $&%^ IS GOING ON HERE?"

DING DING DING DING!

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><p><strong>Ooh those cliffhangers. The next chapter will be pretty long so be waaarryy ;D and there's probably only a few to go, ;( I know, it's very sad.<br>Please review and I hope you liked it! **


	6. Chapter 6

**I've noticed that this is a chapter with a lot of references...hehe oh well. Good news, exams are aaalll over! I'm so happy, all I've got is Self-Defense Day left, and we can go in mufti and have fun beating the crap out of each other yippee!  
>And without further ado, onto the second last chapter ;( it's depressing...<strong>

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><p><em>"WHAT THE $&amp;%^ IS GOING ON HERE?"<em>

_DING DING DING DING!_ Came the loud ding of a gong, and luckily, in the nick of time. Nemu and Uryu scampered out followed by Gin and Rangiku.

"WOULD YOU SHUT THAT THING UP!" yelled Ichigo at Urahara who was happily banging away on a large gong that had appeared from nowhere.

"Alright alright, geez," complained the blonde man, putting down the banging stick and taking up a lollipop.

"Okie dokie everyone!" called Nelliel, jumping up from the judging table and beaming down at everyone. "The hour's up, now we're going to go around and judge the castles, and whoever has the best will win eternal sandcastle glory and can decide who gets to stay on the beach!"

"Good luck!" stated Shinji, shooting an evil grin at Aizen.

The three walked down and started with the group nearest them, Kyoraku, Starrk and Ukitake, all three of whom were sleeping on four-poster beds made out of sand and being waved with palm-leaves by their subordinates. Except for Nanao, who had dropped her leaf on top of her captain and stormed off.

"Weeell," said Urahara, peering down at them. "This looks veery comfy wouldn't you say?"

"Yes but we can't look at it if they're sleeping on it," complained Shinji, "And I hate Kyoraku," he added in an undertone.

"I think they've done a marvellous job!" enthused Nelliel, clapping her hands.

They all nodded in unison then walked off to where Ichigo, Renji, and Chad were sitting with their "fruit bowl" a.k.a. a decorative bowl-shaped blob.

"Hmm," said Uruhara, taking out a magnifying glass and peering down at the blob. "A most curious concoction my dear Ichigo and friends."

Ichigo glared at him as he placed a tweed cap on his head and took out a pipe and popped it in his mouth.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he yelled, pointing an accusatory finger.

"What does it look like?" the blonde man beamed. "I'm being a detective."

"IIITTSSYYGOOO!" cried Nel, launching herself across the bowl-shaped blob and glomping Ichigo.

"Nelliel-sama," said Chad quietly. "You just destroyed the sandcastle."

Nel jumped up and looked down to where she was standing in a messy even blobbier blob, "Oopsiiee, sorry Itsygoo."

"Weell I guess that means you guys are disqualified," sniggered Shinji. "Never mind Kurosaki, maybe next time."

Ichigo glared at him angrily, "You freaking-"

"Onto the next one!" exclaimed Urahara, much to Ichigo's annoyance, leaving the three staring dejectedly at their blob, Chad patting a crying Renji on the back.

They walked over to where Isane, Nanao, and a very pink Uryu and Nemu were standing next to a Picasso masterpiece in sand, all looking very proud of themselves.

"Now I like this one!" grinned Shinji.

"Yes it's very well done," added Urahara.

"Wooow," said Nel, eyes wide.

"But it's not a sandcastle," said Gin from behind them, grinning devilishly.

"Hmm that is true," mused Urahara.

"Well I like it!" Shinji snapped, crossing his arms defiantly.

Just then there was a loud roar, everyone turned to the Kiosk where a tanned man with dark blue hair and gold eyes was running towards them, waving his arms erratically.

"Who in the Seireitei is that?" asked Nano, pushing up her glasses.

"Uh-oh," whispered Nemu, hiding behind Uryu.

The man ran up to them and raised his hands threateningly at Nemu, and said in a very Captain Kurotsuchi-sounding voice.

"You are a stupid girl, how dare you even think about going with the Quincy when I need you to help me out with suffocating people to get me samples!"

"Kurotsuchi-taicho?" whispered Urahara, looking flabbergasted.

"You better believe it is!" he snapped at him.

"Mayuri-sama," murmured Nemu. "You're-you're standing on our PICASSO MASTERPIECE!"

"Eh?" he looked down and saw the sand portrait under his feet, now thoroughly ruined. He looked back up and saw the three lieutenants and Quincy glaring at him.

Uryu raised his bow and pointed it at him.

"By the honour of the Quincy, I will destroy you for the destruction of our masterpiece!"

"Heh," he looked embarrassed, then turned around and ran, screaming down the beach as a volley of blue arrows followed him.

"Weeell I guess you're disqualified too," stated Urahara cheerfully.

Isane, Nanao and Nemu burst into tears and fell into the sand, hugging each other tightly. The judges decided to leave them to their moping and Mayuri crumpled on the ground sobbing about being a terrible father and that he should have gotten rid of all her hormonal genes, and walked off to the next, which was an exhausted Shuuhei and Izuru, lying on the ground, and a thoroughly chirpy Rangiku, sitting on her pink beach-chair, drinking a cocktail, and admiring her sand-self.

"Now I like this one!" enthused Shinji, rubbing his hands together.

Urahara nodded in agreement and Nel humphed and turned her head away.

"But it's not a sandcastle," added Gin, popping out of nowhere again.

"Meh I don't care," shrugged Shinji.

Gin shrugged and before anyone could see anything, he released Shinso and pulled it back in. everyone gasped as the sand-Rangiku collapsed, seemingly of its own accord.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Shinji, falling to the ground.

"Now isn't that unfortunate," quipped Nel, looking rather happy.

Rangiku turned to glare at Gin who was looking very pleased with himself. She slammed down her cocktail and jumped up.

"Gin no !" reference to Bleach Rock Musical Bankai Code 003 episode 8, watch, it's hilarious!

With that, the three judges (including a very dejected Shinji) hopped off to annoy other poor souls, this time, being Nnoitra, Tesla, Grimmjow and Szayel. Their sandcastle was…non-existent to say the least. It looked like a part boxing ring, part science lab. It appeared that Nnoitra and Grimmjow had tried to make a boxing ring and then given up when they had started to fight and had destroyed it in the process, Tesla was watching nearby, keeping his distance from Szayel who had somehow made a lab out of sand and was concocting something of a strange fluoro pink colour and eating his fraccion for lunch. After seeing this, the judges decided to leave them in case they became a test subject and hurried onto the next, which turned out to be a wonky heart in sand and a very disgruntled looking Ulquiorra in board shorts, and a thrilled Orihime, although slightly beaten up.

"This is our heart!" she shrieked, waving her hands in front of it. "Ulquiorra really wanted one so I made one for him."

"For the _last time _woman, I. Do. _Not_. **_Want_**. **_A_**._** HEART!**_"

"Gasp!" exclaimed Nel. "Ulquiorra showed emotion."

"Oooh," everyone gathered around and stared at him, his face now positively red with fury.

"OK everyone!" said Urahara, clapping his hands together. "Too much time and too little to do, let's move on!"

The judges walked on from there to where Hallibel, Apacci, Mila-Rose and Sun-Sun were still cuddling Toshiro, who was trying to look like he hated it, but failing.

"Hmm," said Urahara, peering down at them. "Well this is a lovely scene but there's no sand so, sorry, maybe next time."

They did not care in the slightest, just kept hugging. The three judges turned and left, not the least bit deterred by the events. They were all rather happy when they saw the only one left was Aizen's. They walked over and gasped loudly. Aizen, Tosen, the newly reappeared Gin, Loly and Menoly, were all standing by the most magnificent sand interpretation of Los Noches.

"My goodness, this is brilliant!" cried Urahara, peering down at it.

"Hmph I don't think it's that great," snapped Shinji, crossing his arms.

"Ooh is that a miniature me?" asked Nel, pointing at a small sand reincarnation of her fighting Nnoitra.

"Am I getting beaten?" gaped Nnoitra, running up and looking at it, followed by everyone else.

"Hey that's me!" exclaimed Grimmjow, pointing to him and Ichigo fighting. "And there's Ulquiorra, hey, why is he holding hands with Orihime?"

"WHAT?" roared Ulquiorra, running over and staring down at it, followed by a thrilled Orihime. "Nonono how did you find out about that?"

"I am Aizen, I see all!" cried Aizen, lifting his arms up in the air.

"Well I don't think it's that brilliant," said Shinji sulkily.

"Shinjiiiiii?" said Aizen in a sing-song voice, raising a pair of scissors and clicking them menacingly. "Remember this?" Reference to the Shinigami Illustrated Picture Book ep 279

Shinji turned pale and wrapped his arms over his head, protecting his shimmering golden locks of hair.

"I don't see anything," said Orihime, looking confused.

"Yeah me either," added Ichigo, Chad and Uryu nodded.

"Doesn't matter! This is brilliant!" exclaimed Urahara, waving a flag in the air. "The winner is AIZEN!"

He plonked the flag into the top tower of the sand Los Noches and everyone clapped, if a little reluctantly.

"Guys," whispered Ichigo, staring at the flag.

"As your prize, you get to choose who can stay on the beach and who goes," the man continued.

"Guys," said Ichigo a little louder.

"Ahem," coughed Aizen. "I of course choose all my Espada and my second in commands, Espada you can bring along your Fraccion, but no Arrancars allowed."

"But Aizen-Sama!" sobbed Loly and Menoly.

"Guys!" cried Ichigo.

"Gin, Tosen, you two can choose one person to stay on the beach with you."

"Ooh Ichimaru-Taicho, pick me!" squealed Izuru, jumping up and down.

Gin grinned evilly, "I choose Rangiku."

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the devastated Izuru and Shuuhei.

"Yippee! Beach party all the way!" laughed Rangiku, jumping up next to him.

"Tosen-Taicho, pick me," yelled Shuuhei, waving up at the dark man.

"No Kaname, me!" said Komamura, pushing the lieutenant out of the way.

"I choose Wonderwiess, because he is a pure blameless being," said Tosen, ignoring them.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" they shrieked, falling to the ground.

"Oowaaah," said Wonderweiss.

"And that's that," exclaimed Urahara, clapping his hands together.

"GUYS!" yelled Ichigo. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING GUYS?"

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><p><strong>Ooohhhh the climatic tension...can you guess what happened? You get a virtual cookie if you do :p<br>I can't believe there's only one more chapter to go *sob* but like must move on. I have another crack series if anyone's interested, just check out my profile. It's kinda a mismatched version of Bleach, but it's set in a World of the Living rivarly between two Fast Food chains, The Food Society, and Lost Nachos. Crack in killer motion :D  
>Enough self advertising from me, thank you for all your amazing reviews. I will mention you all personally in the next chapter. Till then, farewell my lovelies! (I think it's the freedom, I feel so high...) <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Aahh the end is nigh :( It was so fun writing it, I'm really going to miss writing the quickest story I've ever done. 7 chapters in one week, how's that for a record? :p  
>Thank you to aalll my amazing reviewers, it's been so much fun! And I'm going to acknowledge you all personally :)<br>BleachmyNaruto, Deplorability, RAHbooks, EaSnowPw, Kyurikochan, Botskey, Smylealong, Nagoyaka, Sariniste, and a random that did not leave its name. Thank you so very much! Now enjoy the last and final chapter.**

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><p><em>"GUYS!" yelled Ichigo. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING GUYS?"<em>

"GASP!" cried everyone as their faces panned in motion.

The sand castle was gone; there was nothing there but a pile of sand and Aizen being waved by palm leaves by Loly and Menoly, and Tosen and Gin drinking cocktails.

"Kyoka Suigetsu," gasped Shinji.

Aizen looked at the place where the sandcastle had been, then turned to glare at Ichigo.

"You broke my illusion!" he cried. "!"

Everyone backed away slowly as a wind picked up, rushing the sand around him. Then before their very eyes, another loud roar was omitted, and he turned into a new type of Pokemon.

"RRROOOAAARRR!" he...roared?, glowing purple.

"RUN!" screeched Urahara, turning around and running away.

"I never run!" exclaimed Ichigo.

"Kurosaki-kun!" cried Orihime, clasping her hands.

"OH GOD NO!" screamed Nnoitra, "NO MORE OF THAT YOU CRAZY WOMAN! I HAD TO PUT UP WITH THAT FOR 20 MINUTES STRAIGHT!"

"RRROOOOOOOAAARRRRR!"

"Eep!" he squeaked, running away.

The wind picked up and trees out of nowhere began to fly across the beach. Everyone scrambled out of the way, trying to avoid the torrential Pokemon that was Aizen.

"Quick!" cried Urahara, pointing to a Garganta he had just made, "Everyone in!"

Every single person jumped into the Garganta, hurrying before it closed behind them. Aizen stopped yelling and looked around the now completely deserted beach. He gave an evil grin.

"Where are we?" asked Renji, looking around the brightly coloured place they had all popped into.

Rukia looked around, eyes wide, then turned to stare at the giant pink castle behind them.

"Oooh!" squealed Orihime, clapping her hands and pointing to the sign.

Every male turned a deathly shade of white as they took in the pink castle, fancy carousel, tea-cup ride, fluoro-coloured shops, screaming children, exhausted parents, and a giant, bobbling head smiling eerily down at them that resembled a very familiar rabbit.

"We're in…CHAPPYLAND!" shrieked the girls.

"!" screamed the men, as a painfully happy tune of It's a Small Chappy World began to play. "AAIIZZEENN!"

Lord Aizen chuckled as he lay on his sofa, observing the calm, warm beach, and taking a sip of tea, "Exactly as planned."

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><p><strong>Sniff, *dabs at eyes with handkerchief* it's been too short. I hope you all really enjoyed that and it was all worthwhile. If you're looking for anymore crack fics or maybe some nice little oneshots or even the very serious fics, and I mean very serious *gives a serious face* then check out my profile :)<br>Hopefully there will be a next time, so until next time, keep Bleaching!**

*hugs* -Cerice


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